*sigh*

[bennettsleg]

mate i have also been there its not easy but the best thing i found is when am feeling down or had a nasty bad day at work [...]
i find going to my plot even if i just sit down there or just potter about really helps,its like stepping back from the busy world and looking into it and feeling how lucky i am to have a place i can go and take stock.

Agreed, totally.  After battling through a job I love in the worst managed company ever experienced and repeated lessons that one is dispensable... ( >:( ::)) and battling through 1.5hrs of commuter traffic each way I spend an hour down the plot and find when I get home I'm smiling, work is irrelevent, exercise is done, I feel relaxed and ready to sit down with OH and have a chat and enjoy each other's company instead of ranting about work and the traffic and getting my knickers in a twist.

[bennettsleg]

[trojanrabbit]

Best wishes and prayers for Wajah and all, really hoping that you can push on through this soon. Though it sounds like you really need to hassle your doctor for appropriate referals. My OH having suffered depression, my heart goes out to both of you.
Keep up the good work with the gardening!

I would like to say a word in favour of anti depressants though, given a number of people have mentioned bad experiences. Depression is an incredibly widespread (yet poorly addressed)  form of mental illness, and both it and antidepressants have a horribly unfair stigma attached to them. There is no reason to fear taking AD's  -  generally the correct type will now work without unpleasant side effects, but it is ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL that you get the right one for you, because a drug without side effects on one person can be quite debilitating for another.
I know a number of people who were or are on AD's, including a biochemist who looked into the matter carefully and is still happy to take them. Similarly my OH was given them (until she became pregnant, of course), a very low dosage, but with pretty much 100% success, and no side effects visible even to me.

It must be said that I think OH getting treatment for depression, and my finding a change of job happened just in the nick of time, since I knew I was heading down that road very rapidly about 18 months ago. I have an idea how many people don't manage to escape, and count myself extremely lucky!

[MrsKP]

another tuppence worth.  In my own experience, ADs were used as a first resort rather than a last resort and were used as a stop gap until the counselling was available (which in hindsight I think was the wrong way round).

They were quick and easy to administer with the signature on a prescription but only provided brief relief (about 3 weeks).  I had to wait months on a waiting list for the counselling as there were only 3 counsellors at the practice and the lists were miles long. 

After I read up about my particular brand on the net, there's no way I would have taken them but I wasn't really in any state to do that research at the beginning of the treatment.

No doubt they work for some, but I would recommend another course of treatment before taking the pills.

and now I just garden and watch my birdies.

;D

[tabbycat]

Mrs KP,

Ditto my experience with ADs. My GP started to type the prescription for them before I'd even really begun explaining how I felt. As with you, there was a waiting list for counselling. When I finally did get to see someone, it was just an assessment and I was told I'd have to wait another 9 months for a 6 week course of counselling. I remember sitting outside the surgery in floods of tears as I'd got my hopes up that someone was going to help me at last.

However, my friend is on them and they do her the world of good. They enable her to live a normal life and I can see that taking them is by far the best thing for her.

Wajah - hope you had a better day today and that you are feeling the "good vibes" that we are all sending you. :)

Tabby

[Gadfium]

Re: A/Ds,

I'll echo the ditto. 

Take especial care with any SSRI, and make sure the GP has followed the prescribing guidelines to the letter i.e. warning about the probable initial agitation (which can be countered with a sleeping pill/valium type drug), the probable sexual dysfunction (about 60-80%), probable long-term weight gain (after the initial 6 months), and of course the fact that withdrawal (make sure you have a copy of this, before you start: http://www.ssri-uksupport.com/files/haltingSSRIs.pdf) must be faced when you come off the drug (might be mild, might be moderate, already acknowledged that a small minority will never be able to withdraw from the drug, because of the severity of the response).

Also be well-informed regarding the SSRI side-effect profile e.g. parkinsonism (fatigue, becoming slowed, gait disturbances, wanting to lie down all the time), EPS (various movement disorders like tics and twitches, limb thrashing at night), depersonalisation, akathisia (very dangerous, deliberately obscured in the drug trials by the Pharmas, but may occur at about a 9% rate, so watch out for mental turmoil, restlessness, pacing about, difficulty in keeping still, foot tapping, and if you have this, then get thee to a doctor fast!), hypomania, loss of inhibition (people start exhibiting all sorts of out-of-character behaviour, such as having affairs, spending lots of dosh, verbally letting go etc, without any heed to the consequences), yawning fits, tooth grinding (bruxism), short term memory loss/disruption (known to be associated with serotonin boosters), dysphasia (language problems e.g new difficulties observed with... speaking, reading, writing, understanding), insomnia (tied into the drug-induced neurological agitation), food cravings (messes with your glucose, and you can end up with junk food/carbohydrate cravings), frequent urination, eyesight problems (blurring, more eye 'floaters', movements in peripheral vision - only there's nothing there, increased sensitivity to light), hearing disturbances (tinnitus, 'white noise', increased sensitivity to noise), nausea (the drug acts on all serotonin, a lot of which is tied up with the digestive system), confusion, disorientation, mood swings (lot of people suddenly get diagnosed as bipolar), emotional lability (like crying fits), apathy/inability to motivate, emotional numbness (common), becoming 'zombied', decreased concentration, nightmares, headaches, depression (yup, happened to healthy volunteers), and the mega-nasties of hostility, mania, paranoia, anger, rage, self-mutilation, suicide (healthy volunteers, too) and murder. About 5% of admissions to psychiatric hospitals is now estimated to be from SSRI-induced mania & psychosis...

A significant percentage of people do not finish their first month's prescription (to give a rough idea of the level of side-effects).

Some people swiftly get over the initial agitation, and go on to have a great experience on-drug; I am NOT anti-drug. But I do believe the patient should be properly advised, in advance, of the benefit:risk ratio.

If you react well to the drug - as many do - then it can, quite literally, be a life-saver.

However, for others, the experience is not so pleasant. These new antidepressants (which actually have a stimulant profile) can, and do, have myriad effects, many of which mirror the presenting complaint - which often means that a patient reporting standard adverse effects, finds that the drug dose is upped, as a result of the doctor mistaking adverse effects for a worsening of the initial problem. Things can go very wrong from that moment on. Particularly when neither patient, nor doctor, recognises the actual situation...

The more you investigate, the murkier and nastier it gets: manipulation of trials, suppression of not-nice facts, widespead promulgation of the 'depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain' line - turns out to be a load of claptrap - yet I belived what I was told i.e. you need to up your serotonin levels; lack of efficacy - until placebo responders were removed from the trials (to artificially enhance the drug's performance), and secondary drugging with a 'tamping down' drug was instigated; the somewhat skewed benefit:risk ratio.

Sadly, these 'safe' drugs came within a whisker of killing me. 

Looks like I'll be living with the (mainly neurological) consequences, for the rest of my life.

[wahaj]

thanks very much for all the support guys. i haven't managed to read all the messages of kind words yet....but i will in a minute. it means a lot to me to hear all the stories and way you guys have dealt with stuff aswell. really puts your own problems in perspective and reminds you things aren't that bad really.

i've started going to work again part time and it's not TOO bad...but...it's a start i guess.

thanks very again peeps :)

[Hyacinth]

and Wahaj......you've gotta a greenhouse coming, a place just for you and your babes, and loads of  new friends here - things are on the up, eh? 8) :-*

[MrsKP]

and you have buckets !   ;D

things are looking up all the time !

;D

[wahaj]

and you have buckets !   ;D

things are looking up all the time !

;D

yes! and a greenhouse! and my dad bought a 32" hitachi HD TV today aswell  8)

[MrsKP]

lmao, can you lend him to me for a couple of weeks !!  i won't spend much of your inheritance, i promise.

;D

[wahaj]

lmao, can you lend him to me for a couple of weeks !!  i won't spend much of your inheritance, i promise.

;D

he's a curse really. a complete idiot. everyone who's met him thinks that....cos he hasn't got much going for him and he makes people's lives hell. so i console myself by milking him dry :)

[MrsKP]

aren't they all babe.