I need a bit of advice from the ladies

[ACE]

Now my wife, She is very difficult when it comes to xmas presents. I try my hardest to get her what I think she wants. So perhaps some of you could give me some ideas.

Perhaps if I give you an idea of what she is like, it might be easier. After she opens her presents she is usually speechless, in fact she does not speak to me for at least a week. In the last few years I have got her a fishing rod, but she would not use it , so I had to. I got her a diet book, and then I found it in the bin a few days later, once I even decorated a bulldog clip so she could use it on the back of her neck to lift up her double chin.

So this year I am making a list, Nice set of pans, knitting needles and wool so she could knit me a  cardy, rowing machine, or should I just give her a fiver to buy her own present.

What do you think, which one should I get her.



I have just found her present for me, hidden in a drawer. All the paperwork for writing a will.

[ACE]

[Hyacinth]

1.. some pieces of seasoned  wood, various sizes, pre-mitred edges where necessary + nails + a length of rope pre-knotted.

2..really really sharp butcher's knife

3..one of those flame-guns with a really really big gas canister

4..every lady loves precious stones & precious metals at Christmas, so a dinky little pearl-handled pistol & some shiny silver bullets?

;D

[CotswoldLass]

Re Lishka's fourth idea - the Derringer with pearl handles is a good one. And how about a shed, with a big padlock, lockable from the outside, in tandem with a luxury cruise ticket for one in your beloved's name? (You could always buy yourself some baked beans beforehand!) Tee....heee!

[daisymay]

very funny Alishka  ;D

Can you not ask her to make her own list?

Or - give her a shopping day (with a fixed budget) - wrap up and IOU

Diet book and fishing rod - lucky you still have a wife!!  ;D

[froglets]

I can sympathise with Mrs Ace, last year I nipped the cement mixer in the bud as the ideal pressie for the woman who has everything & I'm on high alert for hints I might like a big new chainsaw.

Unless the chainsaw comes with Brad Pitt on the handle or a couple of Phillipino House boys who can live in the shed while they're not doing housework or my nails, it's off the list.

A few days away at a spa is a sure fire winner.  A few weeks even better, failing that, how about her own place in the country with only her having a set of keys?

[daisymay]

best one I ever heard was a woman at work - her husband bought her a krooklok for their car for Christmas (shared car - not even just her car)! woweee lucky lady.

Spa sounds lovely  :)

[rosebud]

Ace,  :o :o ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D  Cheered me up reading that and then Lish`s reply perfect Lish.

[Tulipa]

I have just had such a giggle, thank you. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ::) ::)

[CotswoldLass]

Not the only prezzie but last Christmas my OH got me a set of PANS.......not his best move I can tell you! CLx

[ACE]

last Christmas my OH got me a set of PANS.......not his best move I can tell you!

Yeh I had better knock them off the list, she can't cook either.

[Heldi]

Buy her a willy attachment.

The attachment being the lovely hunk it belongs to.

[wahaj]

get her some plastic surgery vouchers. i'm assuming the most popular ones are probably the boob job ones.

if you can't get her that, get her a paper bag with a space cut out for eyes and the nose.

if you have a slightly larger budget....how about a mac 3?

and the summer admission to fat camp never fails to cheer someone up.

if she's a gotten a bit big headed and started to enjoy life a bit to much. buy her a cemetary plot.

[Artisan]

Unless the chainsaw comes with Brad Pitt on the handle or a couple of Phillipino House boys who can live in the shed while they're not doing housework or my nails, it's off the list.

On this theme, how about someone to help her do the housework?  I believe that young swedish girls are particularly good at this sort of thng.  She should really appreciate that methinks.

[ACE]

The attachment being the lovely hunk it belongs to.

She's already got one.

[wahaj]

oh better still.....get her the divorce papers. nice and practical and it'll save her the time later.

[busy_lizzie]

You mean you don't do Christmas Lists, ACE?  ::)  We do them every year, from the smallest gift  to the largest "you are never going to get that in a million years" type present.  Saves all the disappointments and hurt feelings but gives you plenty of scope. Get on to Google and print off a nice cuddly Santa on a blank page and head it "My darling wife's Christmas List" leave it around in a strategic place and see what happens.  It can also work for you so you can avoid  getting some nose hair clippers this year that you don't want.  :D busy_lizzie   

[telboy]

Ace ,
You are a star!
Make a pact like moi.

"I'm not getting you nuffink"
"Likewise bi*ch"

Works every year - cheap as well!

[Heldi]

ACE I can't reply...too rude...remember that joke you pm'd too me ages ago...well it sounds like she obviously has two of those so another willy won't go amiss. LMAO!

[lorna]

ACE If your lovely wife gets to read your post my suggestion is that you pack your case as fast as you can :)

[Heldi]

LOL @ Lorna   ;D

Let's rename ACE " Nelly"

Off he went with a trumpety trump, trump, trump, trump.

Pheeeew wot a whiff.