Gardening Jokes

[VP]

Well, I thought it was about time I joined in on the forum properly and started a thread. Just for fun, what's your favourite gardening joke?

My starter for 10 is this corny one from my Christmas' cracker:

Q Why did the tomato turn red?
A Because it saw the salad dressing  :D

Boom Boom!

[VP]

[Eristic]

What happens to old gardeners when they're past it?

[spoiler]
They slowly spade away and throw in the trowel.[/spoiler]

[VP]

Ha ha ha! And I thought they were going to kick the bucket  ::)

[kt.]

Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.

What what can you make from baked beans and onions?
Tear gas.



Also, does this count:

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.

[Eristic]

Why are Farmers so good at growing things?


[spoiler]They have to be out standing in their field![/spoiler]

[Baaaaaaaa]

'Gardens can be changed into one form or another but cannot be created nor destroyed'.

Newtons First law of earthodynamics!!

[Rhubarb Thrasher]

What happens to old gardeners when they're past it?

[spoiler]
They slowly spade away and throw in the trowel.[/spoiler]

I thought they just lost the plot

[Rhubarb Thrasher]

what's the difference between a King Edward and John Motson?

[spoiler]John Motson is only a common tater[/spoiler]

[tilts]

 :) :) :) :) :) :)

[Just Vegging Out]

Two old ladies chatting over the garden fence.

One says "my Bert died last Sunday, he pulled up a cabbage and had a heart attack"

The other old lady says "I bet you were in a right state, what did you do?"

First old lady sighs, shrugs and say "I opened a tin of peas instead".

JVO

[manic_veg_grower]

LOL  ;D ;D ;D ;D

I only know a few jokes this one is not really gardening related but I will make it so  :o :o :o

A thick as two short planks gardener is in town and walks into a pet shop and says
"How much are the wasps?"... "I am sorry sir but we don't sell wasps" replied the shopkeeper...
"but, but, but you got one in the window"  : ;D :D :o ::) ::)

One other that is horticultural..

Q:  Why did the Scarecrow win a nobel prize?

A:  Because he was the most upstanding in his field


;D ;D :o :o :D ;) ;) ;) :o ::) ;D

[Baccy Man]

Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen. Admiring her neighbor's garden, which had beautiful, bright-red tomatoes, she went one day and inquired of him his secret.

"It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."

Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants, twice daily. Two weeks passed and her neighbor stopped by to check her progress. "So," he asked. "Any luck with the tomatoes?"

"No," she replied excitedly. "But you should see the size of my cucumbers!"

[star]

*blush* OOH-ERR matron

[VP]

Thanks everyone who's contributed so far. It's cheered up January for me  :) ;) :D ;D